Holy Eros

Jolyon and I have been discussing over the past year the concept of Holy Eros. Put simply sacred sex. Being that we both are Christians always seeking a path to God and not necessarily through a specific religion, we have been curious to discover what this concept means to us personally and as a couple in our marriage particularly as we embrace the concept of polyamory in our life in a practical, everyday lifestyle.

Looking at the root word for Holy used in much of the original Greek and Hebrew texts the word translated most basically means, separate or to set apart. Eros in the Greek as many know is the term for what we now call erotic love, or sex. I appreciate the wisdom of the Greek culture in acquiring seven different words for love in their language. I'm sure they must have an easier time expressing themselves because of it, but that's a separate rant, one that isn't perhaps meant to be Holy.

So, sex that is set apart. Set apart from what? From the rest of sex? Okay, follow that line of thinking. Is that what we would call the difference between fucking and making love to each other? Maybe.

Maybe it's more than that or maybe that's a personal distinction, when you do it you know it kind of thing. For simple presentation on this blog entry let's say it's the concept of making love vs. fucking. Personally I think both have merit, and a place in life. I can say without a doubt that when I am with either Joylon, Jack or Richard it is not making love every time. There are times when both of us know that we are just being the animal within ourselves, hot, sweaty, primal, grabbing, thrusting, feeling physically and not thinking or experiencing anything emotional. It's the overwhelming pleasure of cock and pussy. Period. I know too that there have been times with all three, that there has been a tender affection, a bond of thought and feeling, a connection that transcends the physical bonding of the penis entering the vagina, but of two hearts, two souls combining in that moment to really become one person. They experience briefly, the other in the most vulnerable and intimate way. As I have grown in the last year and had various sexual experiences with several different men and women, I have found an increasing desire for a life filled with Holy Eros. A desire to be in love and for profound affection on all levels. I want deep intimacy, the kind of thing that frightens you and pulls at you all in the same moment. I have decided I don't want to explore outside of the bonds I have already created, at least for now.

Jack and Marianne are swingers and he has discussed with me several times the fun and frolic they both get out of the recreational sex play they engage in. I have no issue with his choice and I truly feel happy for him to be doing something that brings him so much satisfaction. I think about getting my feet wet in that kind of activity sometimes and lately I know that if I did the pleasure would last a short while, perhaps through each orgasm, but afterward I would feel as if I had given something of myself away that I didn't really want to. Like the time I sold Jolyon's favorite bowling shirt at our garage sale. To him, the dollar wasn't comparable to the value he placed on the shirt. I think it would be like that.

Although Richard and Janice tend to be much more conservative than Jack and Marianne, it's not for the same conclusions I have come to. It's not necessarily an emotional attachment that keeps them conservative in their choices.

So I have really come to a conclusion, or I am growing towards one at the very least. I want to be deeply in love with all of my partners, not to love them all equally, which is impossible, that's the paradox of poly, but to be in a bonded state with them emotionally, intellectually and physically. To know that I can freely use sexual pleasure and language to express not just a feeling of physical hunger, but of emotional love, caring, respect and value. I want to keep them in my life highly regarded and keep our love together special, a treasured gift that's offered and received as something other than common.


Enveloped by his body I lay still and felt the passionate beating of my heart, as if it were a bird trapped in a cage. All my senses heightened, with my eyes closed and I could feel the fullness of his hard cock thrusting inside the tender walls of my moist pussy. His hips rocked, his hands grasped at my hair and his breath hot on my neck whispered my name. Lifting my face towards him at that moment, the climax of heat and flame that touches the secret places of our hearts, I opened my eyes and I saw his beautiful face. That face I have come to long for in the darkness of life and living, that nose, that chin and those eyes looking at me, through me with tenderest affection. His body, all his powerful strength, rigid, giving to me that ancient life. Resting now upon my breast and holding each other for an eternal moment.

Holy Eros.