A Pint of Kisses and A Pound of Love

Is it possible that the words "I love you" haven't the meaning to you that I thought they did. Have you heard me?

It has been days since I last saw you, heard your laugh, kissed your lips, touched your skin. I miss you, truth be told the missing starts after a short time following your departure for your warm, snugly bed and your loving and tender wife. I think of you often during the day. I think of you when I make my coffee, I think of you as I race to open my email and find a note from you that simply says good morning. I think of you when I walk around the park and in traffic when I sit in my car at that stop light, the one that takes forever to change. You are and have been one of the great and true loves of my life and I long for your presence.

How is it that we determine the success or failure of a romantic relationship these days? It seems to me it always has something to do with longevity. That if you are together for that certain amount of time well then, you must have done something right. Honestly, I'm beginning to reevaluate that concept. I happen to know so many marriages that even though they have a decade or more behind them as a couple they are certainly not happy or even functioning together as partners, or even friends. The thought that they can claim success based on the years they have together I think is just short sighted. Conversely, I have known, in the poly realm, romantic attachments that have only lasted several weeks or months or maybe even a year, that in retrospect were very good ones. The people involved grew tremendously as individuals from challenges they faced and they had such an experience of giving and receiving love and affection, the relationship brought new ideas and levels of freedom to them they had not known before.

So, as I'm sitting here writing today, I'm faced with the decision to end a relationship that has been, for the most part the happiest, most fulfilling, challenging, heartbreaking, frustrating, wonderful and loving of my small poly life. I've been overwhelmed with thoughts of failure and remorse at having not made the relationship "successful". But then, in thinking about it, why? Just because we didn't manage to make a year out of it. You know, I read recently that the average poly relationship, outside the primary dyad only lasts six months. Six months! What the heck?! With that in mind I wonder why even try to have a relationship at all. Why not just have a convenient fuck buddy and leave things at that?

Is it the happiness level you feel or the things you've learned or maybe it's the number of dates you get through before you start arguing with each other?

In any case, I wonder. I wonder about the ways in which we choose to express ourselves and our love to each other. I wonder what it is that comforts our hearts when someone we love deeply and intimately just doesn't fit the compatibility mold we have set for ourselves.

How do we measure success relationally?