Dear Diary...

Been away for the last several months on a journey of self-discovery. What could be better. I'm actually finishing up a sweet scholastic experience that will start me on a new direction and path in my life, so here's to being forty, being reasonably healthy, happily married, hedonistic and poly.

I'm no at all sure I have anything to say. I mean I'm sitting here thinking I feel so much but I have no idea where to start. I fear saying things too close to my heart out loud, like I'm walking around in the dark trying not to stumble over the dog sleeping at the end of my bed.

Weird, I know for a blogger. Those of us who are continually saying the private in a public forum.

What should I say? Should I tell of my fabulous sex life? My love of another man with my husband's blessing? My embarking on my first Bi-sexual experience with a fabulous, caring, tender, patient woman?

I am The Girl Next Door you know, your neighbor across the street. Should I tell you about my son failing his junior year of college and smoking too much pot or maybe about my daughter who just got married or the son who still lives at home and wants to borrow my car? I could tell you about my friends from church, yeah, that's right, I go to your church and sometimes I even teach your children in Sunday school and bring your shut-in mother cookies.

In a lot of ways, I'm just like you. Only really, you're not that much like me.

I'm looking forward to a new year and new dreams for my life. I want a life with Jack and Marrianne. I want to fuck people I haven't met and won't meet again. I want to challenge myself to grow and learn and believe more than I do now, to be a kaleidoscope of everything human and spiritual. I want to be real and not be afraid of what that means to other people.