I Scream, You scream...

First, let me say that I am no where near as eloquent a writer as The Girl Next Door is. Her gift is writing (whether she believes it or not) and mine is not. I have not really been very good at expressing my thoughts in any sort of written form but I will do the best I can.

It was interesting reading her Snozberries post. We had talked at length that day about her being horny for one of her significant others. At first, I felt bad for her because it was something that she wanted and I like to do everything I can for her to give her what she wants. Unfortunately for me, one of my bad poly habits is over-thinking things. As the day wore on, I began to change my mind and started feeling a little resentful. She is right in describing how she is when she has a taste for something. She really wants that flavor of ice-cream and nothing else will do. It’s not that she likes her other favorite flavor less, she just really wants what she has a craving for. Now me, on the other hand, I have lots of favorite flavors of ice cream as well. The difference between us though is that I have a much broader craving. For me, it’s ice cream, period. Within that, I get to pick from any of my favorites and still be pleased so if one flavor is not available, there is always another one that I can pick. Since this was how I was thinking, I start telling myself if she can’t have the one flavor she really wants, surely she would at least just want ice cream no matter what. But she isn’t like that. If it’s not the flavor she wants, then nothing else at that time will work. Talk about feeling like chopped liver!

Since she and I both decided to pursue this lifestyle, I have had to do a lot of re-thinking how I feel about things, especially as they relate to sex and the two of us. As she said in her post, we were each others’ first. We have gone through a lot in the many years we have been married, a lot of growing and learning. I thought I knew everything there was to know about my wife sexually so I think I kind of got myself into a bit of a rut. I was raised in an extremely conservative religious family. I never had ‘the talk’ with my parents so what I learned about sex was limited. I was taught to treat these things as shameful. Now, The Girl Next Door comes into my life and I learn that we really like having sex together when were teenagers. Then we get married and I begin learning more about her, her childhood, abuse she suffered as a child. I am very sensitive to these things because I love her and do not want to hurt her or ruin anything for her so I start learning to be cautious about having sex with her. I also don’t want to come across as a pest as I have inherited one of the prominent male genes of extreme horniness from my family so I try not to pester her all of the time for sex. Eventually, we settle into somewhat of a routine sexually. I realize now that this was not a good thing to let happen, at least for me. When things become routine, I begin to get lazy and take things for granted. Now, along comes Poly which really starts getting my brain churning. Now I am seeing a totally different woman, at least in my mind. She is like a wild woman, she is doing things that we haven’t ever done before or haven’t done in a long time. I start getting what I call the ‘Maxwell House Coffee’ syndrome. You know, “Bob never has a second cup of my coffee”. I start thinking maybe I am just really not satisfying her anymore. For a while, this really rattles me. It is only when I get into my first poly relationship that I start to understand that it is like getting different flavors of ice cream or new ones you’ve never tried before. I didn’t love having sex with my new partner more than her, it was just different. If anything, it made me appreciate her that much more. We still see some things differently though, simply because we are different people. For me, The Girl Next Door will always be my first choice for any cravings I might get. When I do have those times where I am craving a flavor that is different and isn’t available, I still want ice cream! Nothing at all is NOT an option! So no, I do not feel betrayed as she thought in her post. I just feel jealous sometimes. That’s right, the evil J word. Anyone that tells you there is no such thing as jealousy in Poly is full of crap. Sometimes I just wish I could be all of her favorite flavors.