Joylon and I have been talking recently about combining households or what the hip phrase lately is... becoming a "tribe."
Several weeks ago I had a dream...
I'm in a beautiful home with a cozy, family, loving feeling. It's got a centrally located great room/kitchen area. Off to one side are two bedrooms and a bathroom. The master bedroom is spacious enough to hold a moderate library a computer and a tv, it's got a walk in closet and a bathroom so it's like it's own little suite. The other half of the home is the same. So in my dream Jo and I share the home with Jack and Marianne and their children and our teenager still living with us. What I remember most about the dream is the feeling of love and security and family. We lived together as a family.
Then I woke up.
Communicating about my dream has been a good step for Jo and me. It brings up a lot of emotion on both sides and a lot of valid questions. Could we be compatible under one roof? Could we truly trust each other with the care and nurturing of our children? What about finances? What about chores around the home, who is responsible for this or that and why? Another thing brought up which sort of dampened my fantasy was Jolyon's attitude and realistic desire. He's not sure he could love them on that level. "I mean, let's face it" he says "this relationship is about the three of you, it doesn't really include me on that level." Fine, I think to myself and grumble under my breath. In actuality he's right. It's easy for me to be carried away with feelings and thoughts for the future because I'm in love, deeply in love, but it's different for him.
How far will compersion go?
So, last night I'm thinking about it again, living with them, and I'm re-reading old emails Jack has sent me (he has written some of the most beautiful love letters) and I'm showing them to my daughter, she's a twenty-something young bride herself, and she says to me "Mom, that's beautiful. He's so sweet... he's my favorite. Of all the people you've been involved with, I love them, both of them the most just like family." Wow. How satisfying.
Jack has taken our youngest along with he and Marianne's son on a day trip today, just like family.
It's wonderful, it's frightening.
I love my life.
Several weeks ago I had a dream...
I'm in a beautiful home with a cozy, family, loving feeling. It's got a centrally located great room/kitchen area. Off to one side are two bedrooms and a bathroom. The master bedroom is spacious enough to hold a moderate library a computer and a tv, it's got a walk in closet and a bathroom so it's like it's own little suite. The other half of the home is the same. So in my dream Jo and I share the home with Jack and Marianne and their children and our teenager still living with us. What I remember most about the dream is the feeling of love and security and family. We lived together as a family.
Then I woke up.
Communicating about my dream has been a good step for Jo and me. It brings up a lot of emotion on both sides and a lot of valid questions. Could we be compatible under one roof? Could we truly trust each other with the care and nurturing of our children? What about finances? What about chores around the home, who is responsible for this or that and why? Another thing brought up which sort of dampened my fantasy was Jolyon's attitude and realistic desire. He's not sure he could love them on that level. "I mean, let's face it" he says "this relationship is about the three of you, it doesn't really include me on that level." Fine, I think to myself and grumble under my breath. In actuality he's right. It's easy for me to be carried away with feelings and thoughts for the future because I'm in love, deeply in love, but it's different for him.
How far will compersion go?
So, last night I'm thinking about it again, living with them, and I'm re-reading old emails Jack has sent me (he has written some of the most beautiful love letters) and I'm showing them to my daughter, she's a twenty-something young bride herself, and she says to me "Mom, that's beautiful. He's so sweet... he's my favorite. Of all the people you've been involved with, I love them, both of them the most just like family." Wow. How satisfying.
Jack has taken our youngest along with he and Marianne's son on a day trip today, just like family.
It's wonderful, it's frightening.
I love my life.
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